Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Bring "it!"

Goodbye, slump!

Yep, I'm at it again: eating healthy, ranting about Crossfit all day to my students, going to the gym regularly, and overall feeling like a phenomenal, healthy and fit human being.

The last few months have been intense, but all I'm left with is owning a bunch of fantastic excuses. There was something else going on, besides being busy. Because, as my mom can tell you, I've managed to be busy since I was 16. Somehow Demi and busy have become synonyms. 

I was missing it. Some of my friends have met it. The feeling of lifting a barbell. There is something empowering, exhilarating, and insanely contagious about lifting barbells. You want more. And then, it must get heavier. Especially when getting the letters RX means adding just a little bit more weight . . . bring it! 

Those of you who know me, know that it has been missing from my life for several months now due to a shoulder injury. I haven't lifted anything. Taking out a barbell from every WOD for several months is like pooping without toilet paper. You find a way to do it, because you must, but whatever substitute you come up with is just not the same. You start to dread pooping and minimize it as much as possible. My gym visits shrank from 4-5 times a week, to 2-3 times a week, to once a week. My diet has always been motivated by my gym-going and the carne asada burritos starting increasing from once a month to once a week, to twice a week. (For shame!) 

So yesterday, I did something that I only regret an eensy bit. I did deadlifts, 100 pounds, which used to be a relatively light weight before my injury. I went fully RX'd. In the hours that followed such an intense workout, my body came alive. Happy feelings lingered throughout my whole day. I was more productive as a teacher, not just in the classroom, but outside of the classroom. I had a clarity of mind that I haven't had in awhile. There was only one other time I felt like this during my injury season. I had allowed myself to do deadlifts then, too. 

In the meantime, I'll keep resting my shoulder and continue to seek solutions . . .I am lucky that I'm at a gym with coaches who are very supportive and always willing to find a modification to suit my needs. My modified workouts still kick my butt, but they just aren't it.

For now I have a new outlet - CFMG's Endurance Team. I'm hoping to make this my new activity that keeps me active. This training involves a lot of running, breathing hard, cramps, and exercising in nature. So . . .for now my plan is to become a super-amazing runner while my shoulder recovers. I'm proud of myself for being willing to try this out, although it sure wasn't easy today being the slowest runner by A LOT. I guess I can only get faster, right? 





Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Successes and Failures

Thirteen days ago I reached a new benchmark, and I was so proud of myself. I weighed 129 pounds, and had lost a total of 60 pounds.

What has happened since then?

I've entered a slump. A seven-pound slump. Yes, I gained seven pounds since then.

It all started when . . .

                                  I decided that in order to meet a deadline for work, I would not go to the gym for a week. I told myself that I would still eat relatively healthy.  I kept the idea of doing a WOD at home in the back of my mind. Each day, as soon as I came home from work, I worked, worked, worked until midnight, sometimes 2am. I realized that I had no time to cook. So we ordered out. The first night was a harmless indulgence that I allow myself once a week- carne asada tacos, with only guacamole on them. The next night, Reggie made us eggs and sausage. By the middle of the week, I was exhausted and not in the mood to eat breakfast for dinner, so we ordered pizza (which had enough leftovers for 2 nights).

My lesson . . .when you feel better, you do better. I felt like crap because I was working all day and all night, and not giving my body a chance to rejuvenate with exercise. When I felt like crap, I had NO DESIRE to eat healthy.

I had to keep reminding myself about how delicious paleo food is, which is one of the reasons why I've been so successful on this diet. I thought wanting to eat better would come naturally with getting back to the gym. It's been a slow process. Today I wanted to order pizza again. Reggie is a great partner and shared his struggle with turning down free corn dogs at work. I felt bad for being the weak link or the bad influence when I know he's trying so hard, too. So I made dinner . . . although I really didn't want to. And I made my favorite paleo meal, hoping it'd inspire me. But I don't feel very inspired.

I think I'm just exhausted and I'm hanging in there until the end of the school year. My injured shoulder is also keeping me back from achieving my fitness goals, which I find frustrating.

This week is going to be a lot of forcing myself to eat well, workout, and I'm just praying that the right combination of both will get me back on track.

Sorry that this isn't the inspirational, motivational blog post of paleo triumphs and fitness success. But I guess the bumps along the way are part of the journey- and it's only fair that they get to share in this blogpost as well.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

60 Pounds!

Today is the day that I got to announce that I weigh 129 pounds. At my heaviest, I weighed 189.9 pounds. I have lost 60 pounds!!!!!!

I feel so much gratitude towards my coaches. I never would have made it this far without such wonderful coaches, pushing me and encouraging me every step of the way. Thank you, Ian and Geo. Tami, Dawn, and Mark you've also helped me a lot, too!

The paleo diet has worked wonders in my life. I know it will do the same for you if you give it a chance. But, the only way I've been successful on this diet is allowing myself to eat a little of the "bad stuff" when I want to. This prevents me from developing cravings and wanting to rebel. Last weekend, I ate some pizza. Today, I didn't feel like cooking and Reggie didn't want to eat chicken (which was on the menu). We both smiled at the evil thought of ordering pizza. But I couldn't do it, not on this WONDERFUL BENCHMARK DAY! So we compromised and got tacos. Carne asada and guacamole are paleo, the little tortilla I ate wasn't. Really, it's okay to cheat a little as long as the big picture is there- a diet that you can sustain and that you actually look forward to because the food tastes great and you feel energized and  healthy.

I'm sure I'll dabble in a little more "cheating" this weekend when I go out with my friends, and I'm looking forward to it!

4 more pounds to go before I'm considered within  a healthy BMI!

This was almost a year ago! 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Overall Update

Yikes I've been slacking!

Every day I learn or reflect on a new lesson in this journey of fitness. Sometimes it's the same lesson that manifests in a variety of ways.

During the last few months, my lessons have mainly been about coping with injury, with disappointment and keeping things in perspective.

Luckily, the injury seems to be minor, it's a shoulder injury specific to the movement performed during thrusters and pull-ups. I try to remain positive about not being able to go as heavy as I'd like, but I just remind myself that it's a temporary set-back while I heal. I had just set a pull-up goal, which was frustrating, I was ready to attack the pull-up bar but will have to lay off it for awhile.

I got my first massage in years. It was a reminder that I need to give my body a chance to heal after doing intense workouts. I didn't realize scar tissue would develop from weight-lifting. I had purchased a PVC pipe because I noticed that I was crooked in how I hold the barbell. I thought I just needed to spend some time in front of a mirror, practicing. The very next day, I went for a massage. The wonderful miracle worker asked me at one point in the massage, "Does it feel like your body is straight or crooked?" I answered, "Crooked." She told me that she had made me perfectly straight. No wonder I was lifting crookedly!

The disappointment . . . I bought shorts. Took them home, tried them on, excited to have purchased them just in time to attend an all-day Crossfit event (Sectionals). However, when I tried them on and asked Reggie how my legs looked, he very gently told me I wasn't quite ready for the shorts. ;-(  Cellulite isn't a trait that really runs in my family, but I had damaged my body so much with weight-gain and unhealthy eating, that my legs aren't really so pretty. I even have stretch marks on my calves. Who gains so much weight they get stretch marks on their calves?!!!  My thighs have improved over the past year, which is encouraging, but it's a disappointment that they are not ready for this summer's bikini season. I told Reggie if they don't improve within a year, I'm getting liposuction! I work too damn hard to not wear a bikini. I half mean it . . . we'll see!

I felt better the next day, I found a picture of myself last year. Wow. I had been doing Crossfit for about 3-4 months, and still looked fat! I remember the disappointment I  felt while looking at that picture right after it was taken. Like, "Hey, I've worked so hard, why don't I look better?!"  I've come so far since then . . . so I'm looking forward to next year when I get to look at my picture and see how much farther I've come. It's important to keep things in perspective. We all want to improve and sometimes we get impatient about the rate of improvement. But sometimes progress takes time, and we have to realize how far we've come already.  This lesson really sunk in that day when I saw a fellow Crossfitter, who I admire greatly. She was frustrated that she had difficulty doing chest-to-bar pullups. But it was only 2 months ago when she was using a purple band to do a regular pull-up. She pushed herself to get to regular pull-ups (yay!!) and it will take time to be able to do a lot of chest-to-bar pullups. I was amazed that she could do as many as she was after such a short amount of time. She didn't feel that way.  So, keep it in perspective when you get frustrated.
Way before Crossfit. Yikes! 190 lbs

I'd lost about 30 pounds since the last picture.
3 months before starting Crossfit.  ~155-160 lbs
Sept 2009

After 4 months of Crossfit (the disappointing pic!)
I remember the scale saying I had lost about 10-15 lbs
April 2010
Feb 2011,
1 year after Crossfit  ~136 lbs
                                                                                                                         
                                                                                                                   

Monday, March 14, 2011

A Breath of Fresh Air

Imagine gasping for a breath of fresh air during a workout, but the only thing that greets you is the phlegm that has built up in your throat. You take a few breaths, still phlegm. Finally, some air gets through, but you are breathing so hard that your chest won't stop heaving and any movement will result in certain death. Okay, so I exaggerate slightly, but it's what I imagine would happen in the moment.

Today, I got to try out my new inhaler, and I just had a feeling that this particular inhaler was going to work for me. When we were asked to run a 200 meter to warm-up, I didn't hold back. I ran!! My initial tests of my lung limits were proving to be successful. I may have been breathing hard, because someone asked me if I was okay, which confused me because I have not felt this great since high school. I guess even at my best, I'm still breathing and coughing like an old lady.

I can't wait to continue trying this inhaler and test new limits. It's one thing when the limits you face can be achieved with time and work. Eventually, you'll grow to achieve your goal weight. But when you are limited by an ailment that makes you "less than" what you know you can do, it's . . .well, frustrating isn't even the word, but it's a start.

See you tomorrow, Crossfit Mission Gorge! I am looking forward to seeing how my lungs fare during the 400 meter run for 3 rounds!!!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Beat Your Best

Beat Your Best. Isn't that what Crossfit is supposed to be about? Continuously growing, overcoming obstacles, and improving your overall health and fitness? In fact, the moment we feel that we have achieved our best, we stop growing. I'm not talking about a plateau, which happens, and we fight our way through these momentary flat plains of fitness.

That's why I was excited, and surprisingly nervous, about an event at Crossfit Anaheim, called "Beat Your Best." The event challenged women to try to beat their best time for a workout called "Helen."  This particular workout  involves: a 400 meter run (1/4 of a mile); 21 kettlebell swings (35 lbs for females); and 12 pull-ups, all repeated for a total of 3 rounds.

My friend Michele and I signed up for the event together, and arrived a little early just in case, since Anaheim is about an hour and a half away. It surprised me that I had a hard time falling asleep the night before. I was really excited to try to beat my old time, which was 17:11 back in October 2010.

But when we arrived,  my heart raced and my stomach showed all the classic signs of nervousness. I had to remind myself that I was there to have fun and to beat my own time. It was not, and has never been about, winning for me. However, self-defeating thoughts ran through my mind: "What if I finish last?" and "What if I don't beat my own time?" Every time I walked into the Crossfit Anaheim gym, these nervous thoughts were there, so I spent as much time in the sun outdoors, distracting myself with the vendors, and getting some amusement at how many ladies had "big hair" at this event. I guess it's the LA influence, but it was a bit of a culture shock to see women dressed like big-haired divas at a Crossfit competition.

The event finally started, and I was in Heat 1, which consisted of the slowest times. I felt better that Michele was also in Heat 1, because who wants to be in the slow heat by themselves?!! However, we were the only people representing from Crossfit Mission Gorge, so being in the same heat meant we couldn't cheer each other on or take pictures and videos for each other.

Round 1- I started at a steady pace. I wasn't the slowest runner, but definitely not the fastest. Some women had to stop, and it felt good that I knew I could keep going. I did the kettle-bell swings unbroken, which I knew I could do. The pull-ups did not go as well. At our gym, on our bars, I can easily string together 5-6 pull-ups using the blue resistance band. At this gym, the bars were rough on my hands (not taped) and even with chalk, I could not keep my grip. I strung together 2-3 pull-ups at a time. I looked at the clock, finished the round in 5 minutes, and was excited at the possibility of getting a 15 minute time.

However, Round 1's pace did not continue into Round 2 and 3, as far as running goes. During my 2nd run, I was strategizing. "Should I sprint in on Round 3? At what point do I start the sprint, I would have to decide then." Ultimately, I decided to keep my pace steady because when I sprint, I also need recovery time before starting the next task. It probably would not be worth the few seconds saved. I heard Coach Ian's voice, saying "pace yourself" and decided to stick with what I knew to be the best course of action. I was also encouraged, because even though I was one of the last to leave the gym, I caught up to the others running and was not far behind Michele.

Overall, I shaved 1:03 off my original Helen time, and my best time is now: 16:08. I was happy to have beaten my old time. I was not as happy with my performance on the pull-ups, because I know in the right conditions I can string many more together.

After Michele and I recovered, we watched the rest of the competition. It was disheartening to see so many women not getting their chin even close to above the bar. There were women who could not do pull-ups, and they were going "RXd." I could get my chin as high as they were, and would never consider it a pull-up. It was even more disappointing because I knew if these women showed up here performing like this, then their coaches have led them to believe they are doing pull-ups and it's okay to do them this way. I was disappointed in the "competition" factor of this event, because anyone could beat their time by several minutes doing these silly-looking pull-ups.

But I reminded myself of why I was there. I was there to beat my best. My best is chin over bar on a pull-up. My best is showing full range of motion in every movement. And on that day, my best, even at an unideal location, meant that I was over a minute faster.

Will I attend the next event? I'm not sure. Those pull-up bars hurt my hands. Many, if not most, women did not perform their pull-ups correctly. The next event is Fran. I can just imagine how many women will not be showing the proper range of motion on a "thruster." But then I remember why I was there. Why I show up every day to Crossfit. It wasn't about the competition with others. It's about beating my best. And I'd love to try. So, if we can get a large group of women together to represent from our gym, I'm willing to go. However, this brings up another thought- if I don't think this event is being run the right way . . .what's holding us back from sponsoring and hosting our own "Beat Your Best" series, open to both men and women?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

When you crave chocolate . . .

Today was my first day back at the gym since Valentines day. That makes 2 weeks and 2 days. The first week we were doing some exercising on the ski slopes in Mammoth and June Lake. The second week, well, I let work interfere with my life and didn't make it to the gym. I always get so angry with myself when I let work take over my life. 

And after spending a week of neglecting myself and my family, I took Monday to catch up on things around the house. Tuesday I spent time with my fiance, who I have missed with all this concentrating on work. And today, finally, voila, CROSSFIT again! 

And, ahhh. I needed that. I was wondering if my intense chocolate cravings had to do with missing out on the gym. Like, as if the happy spirit that working out gives me might be satisfied by chocolate. I DID make a good effort, though! 

But no. There is nothing quite as satisfying, stress-relieving, and happiness-inducing then being back at the gym. And tonight I was determined to go RX, which meant doing 20 inch  box jumps. It's doable but a little daunting for me, being less than 5 feet tall. 

I am looking forward to Crossfit Anaheim's competition this Saturday. I get to compete with my own time on the Helen workout I did back in October, and the winner of the competition will be determined by who beats their time the most. This is the perfect competition for me! 


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Slow and steady . . .

Today I was given a glimpse into the past. One of my coaches, Geo, shared a video clip with me, taken the first month I started Crossfitting, in January 2010.

Wow. First of all, my butt looked so big! The video shows me standing on a huge pile of weights to do pull-ups because we did not have many boxes at that time. There I am, slowly working my way through jumping pull-ups! Did I mention my ass looked big, and not in the cute ghetto-booty way that I am known for?!!!

Reggie is also in the clip doing something with a PVC pipe. It makes me wonder if our coaches thought we'd last! We looked like a fat couple that would give up after a few weeks of sweat.

The lesson: Sometimes I get discouraged, because I want to bounce back to being as strong and fit as I was before my injury. But tonight I was able to SEE where I was a year ago and I'm confident that I will continue to grow stronger and fitter with every passing month. Slowly and steadily, I'll get there . . .

In the meantime, I want my coaches to share that video clip with every newbie. I want them to know that I started exactly where they are, probably in even worse shape, and that soon enough they'll be faster, stronger, and healthier.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

A test of character

“You only ever grow as a human being if you go outside your comfort zone.” This quote, which is painted on the wall of my gym, often runs through my mind during a workout or even during my week.
It’s easy to associate this quote with the physical sense, especially at the gym. But today, I had a good dose of the emotional context of stepping outside my comfort zone . . .

. . . I was all smiles. My heart raced, a mixture of too much coffee and excitement to be back! It has been 5 months since I’ve been able to do a regular Crossfit workout due to an unrelated injury. As an athlete, this has been incredibly frustrating. During the warmup, everyone cheerfully welcomed me back. I’ve been keeping up with the gym, but often only made it in twice a week because I couldn’t modify most of the workouts without changing every aspect of them.

Today’s workout was portioned into two sections: a strength-training workout and a metabolic-conditioning (met-con) workout. I was happy to reach 65# on the hanging power-cleans my first day back. I know with some practice in form I can get that a little higher. Everything was as it should be: I was working out, as prescribed, my best friends were around me, and I even grunted a little on the Bulgarian split-squats.

Then it was time for the met-con workout. The apprehension about doing “thrusters” had lingered all day. Of course, at first I eagerly planned to do 65#. Easy stuff, before my injury I could do 75# thrusters. That’s what I told myself. I decided to play with the weight, do what felt right, and not go crazy my first day back. I warmed up with 60# and decided to stay with it for the workout. 3, 2, 1, go! I had 10 minutes to complete as many rounds as possible (AMRAP) of 12 thrusters, 24 pull-ups, and 24 ring dips.

So there I am, I’m on my 6th or 7th thruster and I see Laura has finished and is running over to the pull-up bar. That’s okay, she’s super strong and seems to have a knack for thrusters. Then everyone else is soon to follow her, and I’m still on my 8th thruster. It had been so long since I’ve done a thruster, I forgot where to place my hands on the barbell. First, they were too far apart. Then, too close. I lost some precious seconds trying to figure it out.

That’s okay, I shrugged it off, got my 12 thrusters done and ran over to attack the ring dips. Fail. I did 6 and decided they weren’t as easy as I remembered and ran over to do regular dips on the box. Ouch. Got to 12. Felt like sitting on the box. In fact, I DID sit on the box! As I was sitting there, I felt defeated. I told myself that I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t even close to being done with round 1. I looked at the On-Ramp version for beginners. It looked perfect. I almost scaled down. However, I got some encouragement from a fellow Crossfitter named Ari. He helped me get through the rest of the dips.

Then time for pull-ups. I motivated myself with thoughts like, “Here is my chance to make up for those dips! I can do at least 5 in a row without stopping, on a good day, maybe even 8!” No. Not today. I was just crushed when I saw the clock. Four minutes left. How could that be?! Four minutes left and I hadn’t completed my first round?!! Those thoughts were damaging. I strung together 3-4 pull-ups at a time.  I asked Ian to strip the weight off my bar so I could do quicker thrusters. I had to make up for this slowness somewhere in the workout.

The thoughts kept whirling through my head. “Slow. A failure. Out of shape. But, was I ever in shape enough to do a workout like this, and do 1 or 2  more rounds? I couldn’t imagine it. Maybe I’m not cut out for this shit. How can I tell my coach, when he asks me how many rounds I completed, that I only did one?” I pictured squeaking it out like a little mouse. I thought about pretending I could do more. Yes, for about 20 seconds I actually considered lying. But I decided I would just stand near Ian when it was my turn to report in and just whisper it to him. That was my plan. Even now, my eyes well with tears at the embarrassment and shame I felt.

But then I heard the others reporting in. Apparently, the quicker people completed only two rounds. Some of these two-rounders had lighter weight than me.

The realization that we were just given a workout, asked to complete as many rounds as possible, and that only completing one round was not an indicator of total failure, slowly became apparent to me. Since when do we ever get AMRAP workouts, and two-three rounds is what the best Crossfitters achieve? Since today. My first day back.

I am proud of myself for deciding to stick with what I knew to be right- honesty with myself and others about my rounds. I have never lied about my performance, I’m here for myself and I will not grow if I’m dishonest. I’m upset that I had Ian strip my weight, I could have stuck with that 60# bar. I’m surprised at how quickly I was ready to give up and I’m surprised at how weak I felt.

What an emotional day back. But, I grew. I’m back.  And next week, I’ll be a little stronger. But today, I stand a little taller with some integrity boosting my spirit. After all, "We're forging elite fitness but we're filtering for character." -- Coach Greg Glassman