A reflection on my experience at the CrossFit Level 1 Trainer course

This weekend I attended a 2-day CrossFit Level 1 Trainer course. Yes, I put it out there. Have you noticed that most people stay quiet about their attendance until they know if they passed? I considered keeping it down, but how do you enter a weekend and prepare for a test,  if you are second-guessing your ability to pass?

 It wasn't easy to attend this seminar- we all want to represent the best of ourselves at an event like this, and well, I've had some amazing excuses to let my diet and exercise slip, so I felt a little self-conscious with an extra 15 pounds on my small frame.  But "skinny Demi" or not, throughout the weekend, I learned a lot about myself as an athlete.

I learned that I have good form (!!!) . . . mostly when it comes to movements that I have sought extra help on, taken additional workshops on, or had personal training for. That might seem like a "duh" comment, but it made me realize that I need to continue taking workshops and growing as an athlete, especially as this shoulder is starting to heal. I had very little corrections given to me on my form as the Seminar Staff examined by deadlifts, snatches, squats, and medicine ball cleans. I was the only one in my group that didn't get called into the middle of the circle for the rest of the group to critique my faults.

Why? Well, I've practiced every single one of these movements in a personal training session with Coach Ian or a weekend workshop with Coach Jesse. I knew how to fix several errors because I myself had to go through those fixes. And, kind of like a teenager who remembers what their parents have been saying over and over again in that moment of need, I heard Coach Tami reminding me to start with my hips first. I heard Coach James' encouragement. And -somewhere in my mind - Coach Mark was reminding me to deadlift like an angry gorilla and not a squatting dog.

I learned this weekend I need to mix up the environments where I train- that's part of variance in CrossFit. Trying out different times of day to workout, different settings, helps prepare you for LIFE, which is what CrossFit is about. So, this weekend, I was delighted to find that Valley CrossFit was like a playground with ample space,  fun equipment, and even a pull-up bar that I could reach by standing on my tip-toes (picture how short this bar must be!). 

But, wait - I was told not to use the perfectly reachable bar- no, I should use the taller bar. "Just jump up to it!"

What? Jump? But I don't jump . . . I can't jump . . . People do this? It seems so far away. Don't you know I'm not just short- I'm REALLY short?! "

So I tried. A few fingers brushed by the bar, but I was scared to latch on. By now, Kristen Clever - a former CrossFit games winner and someone I admire - was by my side and telling me she'll hold me as I jump up. Wishing those extra 15 pounds weren't dangling from my sides as Kristen Clever held my torso, I caught the bar and tried my best with a bum shoulder to knock out kips and pull-ups.

I felt foolish and learned that I had stayed in a comfort zone without realizing it. I couldn't even jump up to a pull-up bar without assistance.

Overall, this weekend has really reminded me and reinforced my pride in coming from a gym like CrossFit Mission Gorge. The excellence in the coaching staff and the variety of workshops offered really set me up for success at the CrossFit Level 1 course. I feel so much gratitude towards all of my coaches.

And now - I can't wait to become comfortable with jumping up to a pull-up bar on my own. Maybe I won't do it in every workout (that sounds tiring!) but I will at least make sure that I learn how to get comfortable with it so that next time Kristen Clever is watching (yeah right) I won't look so foolish.

There's HOPE for my shoulder!!

Making healthy eating choices, going to the gym and running regularly- since my last post I've been doing pretty good. I think the key to anything is balance and I'm proud of the progress I have made. This shoulder injury has been a sobering, unmotivating and depressing obstacle. My shoulder hurt for the first time on April 4, 2011.

A few weeks ago, Reg and I met a chiropractor from the San Diego Running Institute in hopes of addressing a foot issue he's been having as we train for our first half-marathon. I decided to see what he might be able to do for my shoulder, I had no idea this guy treats people for more than foot/knee issues. Finding him was a pure accident.

Today was my first appointment. He diagnosed me the same as other doctors- an impingement in my supraspinatus shoulder muscle. When I shared with him that during two months of physical therapy. I'd been given shoulder exercises with some light massage, he explained that the injury wasn't actually being treated and it ended up healing ugly, with lots of scar tissue.

 So, with hopes high, I will be spending the next three weeks, twice per week, going in for some treatments from this chiropractor with a background in sports medicine.  Already, the treatment felt wonderful, while hurting in a "good way" (it felt like he was actually doing something!).

I was pretty sad the other day when someone who has known me for awhile told me he thought I was lifting lighter weights because I didn't want to go heavy. Like the light weight suits me, after all I'm  not the fastest person at our gym. Asthma is always there to slap me around when I think I might try to do something as fast as the others. Starting off overweight at a gym like CrossFit involves letting go of some ego, this injury has continued to test my ego and pride time and time again. Every day I remind myself of my purpose when I walk through the gym doors, it's about ME, it's about what I can do, and what others think about that isn't my concern. But in a program that involves so much community, what others think can be hard to ignore.

So, here's to high hopes! And if this doesn't work, I am going to continue to search for a long-term solution.

Do I want it BADLY enough?

Well do I want it badly enough? Fitness, that is. Strength. Why does any of that matter?

Look, let's be clear. I don't need to have a supermodel body, or look amazing naked . . . I have a husband who loved me with 60 more pounds on my small frame. But, exercise and good nutrition is the ONLY way I have found to feel GOOD every day.

Feel good? What does that mean? I felt good earlier at brunch, hammering down those mimosas and spending quality time with a  loved one. We can feel good without exercising and eating healthy (I DID keep the meal paleo!)

I'm talking about a "feel good" that touches my health in an emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual way. It goes deep. And this type of "feel good" is the only way I am able to deliver on all the demands of my life. Right now, there are too many demands- I have taken on too much. I just need to survive the next two weeks, then the next two months, and hopefully then things will go back to the normal kind of crazy that I'm used to.

Something stuck with me, a random Facebook post, that has become a motivator for me over the last few weeks: "No matter how good your excuse is, you just don't want it badly enough." Or something like that. Well, we all know I have some damn good excuses, I commit myself to some damn good causes. All too often I don't make it into the gym because I'm working from the moment the owner unlocks the gym door at 6:30am until the moment the last workout is starting their stretches at 7pm. I'm usually working even later than that. So, I have felt pretty justified about not making it to the gym.  

But . . . when I make those excuses, since I didn't go to the gym, I don't feel good. I feel tired, burnt out, emotional, cranky . . .When I make time for ME, to recharge my batteries, I am a better wife, lover, teacher, daughter, sister, and friend. 

There are some days ahead of me where I will be working, working, working. But, even then, I can always do a five minute workout at home or go for a run. That much I can do. 

And this time, when I am faced with all kinds of crazy responsibilities and commitments . . .this time I am going to make sure that I leave room for the "feel good" by getting my workout in. If I'm not at the gym, I will be running at Mission Bay. This time, there will not be an excuse good enough to keep me from achieving my goals.

With all of that said, I am human, and appreciate your support when you notice my presence missing. You know who you are- those wonderful friends of mine who gently remind me . . . And, the only one who makes any of this doable is my husband: my chef, my go-to-guy who has been picking up my slack around the house, my cheerleader, and workout buddy. I am blessed to be Reggie's wife and to call on my good friends for support.

Crossfit links to the classroom

Breathe . . .in and out. Check the timer with big red numbers, “Do I have 2 minutes left yet?”  The numbers read 4:16 . . .”No,” the clock glares back at me. “Stop checking me out.” Steady, steady, I keep working, my muscles screaming, my lungs feeling like a clogged sink drain. The coach calls it out, as I knew he would, so why was I checking the clock in the first place? “Two minute warning! Time to hit that floor! Leave it all behind! Give it all you’ve got! Anything else you do from here is extra credit. GET IT!” Okay, he’ll usually only shout one of those phrases, but my mind fills in the rest. My adult-initiated asthma keeps me from going as fast as my muscles want to, but at the two-minute warning, I know that I’ll get to breathe and recover so that’s my moment to shine . . .

After every workout, we use some sort of self-reflection. Did we get a personal record (PR)? “Go write it on the PR Wall!” What was our time/score? “Go tell your coach or write it on the board!” How did we compare to our previous abilities? To others? (All scores go on the board . . .so we get an idea of how we did in relation to each other, and of course, brings out some natural competitive spirit. If I’m not in last place, I’m happy. When someone is last to finish a workout, or struggling, or even if we get to class early to catch the last one working hard, we cheer. We cheer our hearts out for each other. We are a family that works hard, motivates one another, and acknowledges EVERY effort. And because of this supportive environment, we keep coming back to beat our bodies up, no matter what our day has been like because we know . . . when we walk out, we feel more alive, stronger, and ready to tackle whatever the rest of the day has in store for us.

Naturally, I found myself asking, “How can I bring THIS into my classroom?” I find myself picturing ALL my students cheering each other on, striving for excellence, to improve their scores and be proud of their individual progress. “Does the Crossfit program have ties to the classroom?” I asked myself.

And I found out that yes, it does. 

Oh no! I gained!

I have been happily waiting for summer, not just because I was over-worked beyond belief, but because I knew that I'd have a chance to get back on track with working out, cooking healthy meals, and feeling healthier.

I told Reggie yesterday that I want to start every day with a run. I want to run before I do anything. No coffee, no TV, just run! Today I was pretty much on track to do that (I did make a work-related phone call first, but that's all!) I figured I'd visit my old friend, the scale, first to see how off-track I've gotten. It's also always nice to watch the numbers go down when you work hard. But I knew this time, the numbers would not be in my favor. I estimated maybe around 10 pounds weight-gain. My jeans are tight, but they still fit . . .barely.

I was shocked when the scale showed 21 pounds heavier than around my wedding last year. Just writing that sentence makes me want to type a bunch of expletives on this screen.  @#%K!!!!!!! So after exchanging some texts with Reggie (who, in typical man-style responded, "ok") I know I need to do a little more than what I'd originally planned.

So back to my blogging, Facebook posts, and anything else I can think of to hold myself accountable and keep myself on track. While before my diet was around 50% paleo, that number is about to go waaaaay up.

Here's my plan:

1. Run every morning before I do anything else
2. Eat hard-boiled eggs again every morning (or find a suitable Paleo substitute 'cause that gets boring!)
3. Eat my normal salads that I typically eat during the work week, but tend to ditch during the summer
4. Paleo cooking for dinner, which we've been doing, but I'll make sure to be strict about.
5. GLANCE at the Whole-30 website and see if it's a doable option.
6. Schedule my workouts for the whole week, so that they become like appointments that I have to plan everything else around.
7. Run again at night with Reggie!

I do still have to go to work during the "summer." I will also be attending a 4 week seminar for the month of July. So I think, as much as I really need a BREAK, maybe having a summer with structure in it won't be so bad. For example, I think this would be a good opportunity (in July) to try going to some of those 5:30am classes.  Maybe that's something I need to start doing during the school year, because my job has a way of pulling me in and holding onto my brain power until I finally leave around 7:30 pm. By then, it's too late to make a CFMG class, and then I just keep working when I get home instead of taking a break for a run or workout at home.

My ultimate goal? I'd really like to find better balance so that I don't gain like this in the future. I know that means being consistent . . .I have had some very real obstacles to doing this, but I have to remind myself that in the end, those obstacles are excuses, and not more important than my health.

Bring "it!"

Goodbye, slump!

Yep, I'm at it again: eating healthy, ranting about Crossfit all day to my students, going to the gym regularly, and overall feeling like a phenomenal, healthy and fit human being.

The last few months have been intense, but all I'm left with is owning a bunch of fantastic excuses. There was something else going on, besides being busy. Because, as my mom can tell you, I've managed to be busy since I was 16. Somehow Demi and busy have become synonyms. 

I was missing it. Some of my friends have met it. The feeling of lifting a barbell. There is something empowering, exhilarating, and insanely contagious about lifting barbells. You want more. And then, it must get heavier. Especially when getting the letters RX means adding just a little bit more weight . . . bring it! 

Those of you who know me, know that it has been missing from my life for several months now due to a shoulder injury. I haven't lifted anything. Taking out a barbell from every WOD for several months is like pooping without toilet paper. You find a way to do it, because you must, but whatever substitute you come up with is just not the same. You start to dread pooping and minimize it as much as possible. My gym visits shrank from 4-5 times a week, to 2-3 times a week, to once a week. My diet has always been motivated by my gym-going and the carne asada burritos starting increasing from once a month to once a week, to twice a week. (For shame!) 

So yesterday, I did something that I only regret an eensy bit. I did deadlifts, 100 pounds, which used to be a relatively light weight before my injury. I went fully RX'd. In the hours that followed such an intense workout, my body came alive. Happy feelings lingered throughout my whole day. I was more productive as a teacher, not just in the classroom, but outside of the classroom. I had a clarity of mind that I haven't had in awhile. There was only one other time I felt like this during my injury season. I had allowed myself to do deadlifts then, too. 

In the meantime, I'll keep resting my shoulder and continue to seek solutions . . .I am lucky that I'm at a gym with coaches who are very supportive and always willing to find a modification to suit my needs. My modified workouts still kick my butt, but they just aren't it.

For now I have a new outlet - CFMG's Endurance Team. I'm hoping to make this my new activity that keeps me active. This training involves a lot of running, breathing hard, cramps, and exercising in nature. So . . .for now my plan is to become a super-amazing runner while my shoulder recovers. I'm proud of myself for being willing to try this out, although it sure wasn't easy today being the slowest runner by A LOT. I guess I can only get faster, right? 

Successes and Failures

Thirteen days ago I reached a new benchmark, and I was so proud of myself. I weighed 129 pounds, and had lost a total of 60 pounds.

What has happened since then?

I've entered a slump. A seven-pound slump. Yes, I gained seven pounds since then.

It all started when . . .

                                  I decided that in order to meet a deadline for work, I would not go to the gym for a week. I told myself that I would still eat relatively healthy.  I kept the idea of doing a WOD at home in the back of my mind. Each day, as soon as I came home from work, I worked, worked, worked until midnight, sometimes 2am. I realized that I had no time to cook. So we ordered out. The first night was a harmless indulgence that I allow myself once a week- carne asada tacos, with only guacamole on them. The next night, Reggie made us eggs and sausage. By the middle of the week, I was exhausted and not in the mood to eat breakfast for dinner, so we ordered pizza (which had enough leftovers for 2 nights).

My lesson . . .when you feel better, you do better. I felt like crap because I was working all day and all night, and not giving my body a chance to rejuvenate with exercise. When I felt like crap, I had NO DESIRE to eat healthy.

I had to keep reminding myself about how delicious paleo food is, which is one of the reasons why I've been so successful on this diet. I thought wanting to eat better would come naturally with getting back to the gym. It's been a slow process. Today I wanted to order pizza again. Reggie is a great partner and shared his struggle with turning down free corn dogs at work. I felt bad for being the weak link or the bad influence when I know he's trying so hard, too. So I made dinner . . . although I really didn't want to. And I made my favorite paleo meal, hoping it'd inspire me. But I don't feel very inspired.

I think I'm just exhausted and I'm hanging in there until the end of the school year. My injured shoulder is also keeping me back from achieving my fitness goals, which I find frustrating.

This week is going to be a lot of forcing myself to eat well, workout, and I'm just praying that the right combination of both will get me back on track.

Sorry that this isn't the inspirational, motivational blog post of paleo triumphs and fitness success. But I guess the bumps along the way are part of the journey- and it's only fair that they get to share in this blogpost as well.